No, this is not about rewarding or punishing your child. It’s about the reward vs. punishment of being a Mommy!

I’m sure we can all agree the rewards of parenthood are numerous. I couldn’t even begin to make a definitive list, but some of the highlights are: the added dimension it brings to your life, the unfailing love of your progeny, knowing that a little piece of your soul is now in and affecting the world – a piece that will (God willing) continue long after you’re gone. Knowing that you’re bringing up a human being with your values and teaching her to be a good person, to make a difference, to be generous, to be open-minded…etc.

But the punishment…oy vey. Here is a short list of things I’ve been reminded of recently: the bad things about being the Mommy.

1. Having to hold it while your precocious toddler “pees in da potty!” over and over and over again.
1a. Having the door flung open by toddler when you finally get a chance to use the toilet yourself.

2. Having to interrupt your first productive work of the whole damn day in order to go back to her bedroom and get her out of bed eight times in one hour and take her to the potty for those repeated visits mentioned above.

3. Being climbed all over, interrupted, screamed at, and generally distracted while attempting to eat a meal. Not to mention having to share everything you eat anyway!

4. Speaking of meals: playing 20 questions to figure out what exactly a precocious toddler is willing to eat, going to some lengths to make the resulting request a reality, and then throwing it all away when toddler refuses to eat anyway.

5. Getting stepped on, run into (with strollers, tricycles, laundry baskets, and a toddler’s skull), banged up, bruised, kicked in the spleen, and generally abused by a person not even one third your size. Retaliation is out of the question, since that results in a call to CPS. (Kidding! Really.)

6. Being awoken at all hours of the night, by bloodcurdling screams, in order to fetch some object that toddler cannot continue to function without – blanket, stuffed toy, book, sock, random kitchen implement…

I guess that’s enough. I could continue, but damn – I need an ibuprofen!